Raising a C Student: Part 2
The 3 C's for student success: Connection, Creativity, and C…
The first post in this series was all about the toxic side of our fixation on A’s. You can revisit it here if you need a refresher on why we’re focusing on C’s instead. Today, we get to dive into content that I hope is a little more on the playful side of the seriously playful theme here. Let's talk about the C's that'll help your kids create true success that feel a whole lot better to focus on than A’s.
C#1: Connection
Ever heard of "collective effervescence?” Me neither until I started trying to find out why so many of my adolescent students were struggling with burnout and motivation in school. It turns out, we used to experience this a lot more when our ancestors needed to rely on their communities more for survival.
Here’s a more contemporary version of it. In my neighborhood just last weekend, over 15,000 people gathered in our city park to dance and hang out, enjoying a full day of house music. The constant thrumming beat and extra traffic cause many neighbors to complain every year. One year, though, I decided to check out what all the hype was about because the people in the park seemed to be having a much better time than my complaining neighbors.
Even though I'm more of a "puzzle in a climate-controlled living room" person than a "sweaty, crowded house music dancing" person, the vibe in the park was definitely contagious. There was a common intention to have a good time. People were synchronized with that positive intention, punctuated by the repetitive tempo of the music. Later, I'd learn the term "collective effervescence" to explain moments like that.
Collective effervescence is a term coined by a French sociologist in the 19th century to describe how emotions can synchronize and intensify when groups get together to share a collective ritual. When the common purpose of that ritual relates to joy, a lot of great benefits result. Research shows that experiencing repeated moments of collective effervescence can lead to a life that feels happier and more meaningful, as well as communities that share values and identities that strengthen confidence and an orientation towards helping one another out.
I'm not suggesting here that we somehow transform homework into a 15,000-person house music festival. A more practical way to focus on strengthening connection that draws from the research on collective effervescence is through ritual.
Create or take advantage of rituals you already have that connect people over a common positive value. And, for the record, fun is a worthy positive value. Rituals can be established or something you create like family meals, game nights, forming a neighborhood bike bus once a week, church, or Friday night fire pit storytelling.
Join community activities: Park clean-ups, local festivals, or volunteer gigs
Move together: Dance parties, ping pong tournaments, a game of horse, or any activity that gets everyone moving together
Remember, connection isn't just about feeling good (though that's awesome too). It also expands one’s social network and connection to something bigger than their individual worries and egos. That type of connection is proven to boost success and performance. Building connection is like a tune-up for your student’s nervous system, clearing the way for stronger cognitive and executive functioning, which improves academic performance.
C#2: Creativity - Escape the Drama, Embrace the Fun!
Alright, let's talk about something that can suck the life out of teenagers faster than you can say "homework" – drama. You know, the "my teacher hates me" and "they put me in the worst class" spiral. Turns out, it’s more of a triangle than a spiral. It’s known as the drama triangle, a common relationship trap that keeps its participants circling in roles as either the perpetrator, the victim, or the rescuer.
None of those roles are particularly empowering and can be hard to bust out of. But, lucky for us, David Emerald created an effective alternative in his bestselling books. My favorite reframe in his model is that the victim becomes the creator and learns to think outside the box (or triangle) and imagine what would be better. They create a new way, a solution that didn’t exist before. Besides getting out of the drama, they get the added benefit of gaining more confidence and trust in themselves so they are less likely to get caught up in it for very long the next time.
It’s a lot easier to get a teenager in this creative habit by nurturing their creativity in something they enjoy, rather than trying to talk them into problem-solving an issue they are hellbent on convincing you they are a victim of. Ask me how I know this.
When life throws lemons, don't just make lemonade – make a lemon-powered robot. Was that a weird sentence? Absolutely. But I promise, the mashup has meaning, and more on that soon. Making something original and even a little weird gives an enjoyable workout for areas of the brain that are necessary for academic success and making a good life for yourself beyond school too.
It puts you in a state of flow (aka the "time flies when you're having fun" zone) which strengthens cognitive function and focus.
It builds problem-solving muscles.
It helps you see new possibilities when you're stuck in a rut.
Creative genius and super famous author Jason Reynolds made this game that I grabbed years ago that has kept my family entertained for years while waiting for meals at restaurants. I don’t think it’s available anymore but you don’t need the card deck to try it. You basically choose two common objects, like roller skates and a lamp. Then, everyone comes up with a new object that is a mashup of the two like glow-in-the-dark skates that change color in synch to the music when you’re wearing them to a nighttime skate party. The weirder, the better!
What started as simple family fun took on new significance when I recently heard insights from Amy Webb, a prominent speaker, author, and consultant known for her uncannily accurate predictions about the future of business, technology, and the economy. Her SxSW talks are so popular that people camp out just to secure a seat.
According to Webb, the best way for kids to prepare for a successful career in higher education is to combine seemingly unrelated fields of study. She suggests mash-ups like audio technician and sociology, or organizational psychology and performing arts. Webb believes that the jobs of the future will demand these unique, creative combinations.
A diverse portfolio of creative capacities will not just make our students stand out in competitive fields, but equip them with the skills and mindsets to succeed in them over the long haul.
Creativity is an essential skill we need to develop in our kids for them to be truly successful and solve the gnarly challenges they'll face in the future. Fostering creativity doesn't necessarily mean enrolling your child in expensive, intense art programs. Instead, try doing something playful together. Creativity often emerges naturally while you're playing a game, baking a new dessert, or creating the rules for a ping-pong tournament.
As a parent, it's important to engage in creative activities yourself. When your kids see you, a busy adult, dedicating time to seemingly "unproductive" pursuits like learning a new instrument, joining a writing group, or even cloud watching (yes, it's a real thing – look it up!), you validate and normalize creativity. This is crucial in a culture that often suggests that unless an activity makes money, improves your appearance, or increases your popularity, it's not worth your time.
In reality, I believe it's the most creative individuals who will thrive in our unpredictable future. By prioritizing creativity, we're equipping our children with a valuable skill for navigating the challenges ahead.
The Third C: Next Time!
Stay tuned for the next post where we'll reveal the final C that is one of the most powerful because it’s not only backed up by loads of contemporary research, it’s repeated in all the ancient wisdom, too.
Wrapping It Up (Without the Guilt Trip)
One thing you will not get from me here is the message that you need to do more to do well. Instead of giving you a "try this now" list that adds another task to your plate or makes you feel guilty for not doing it—which isn't helpful when we're trying to co-regulate our kids with our balanced, healthy nervous systems—I'd like to offer a different approach.
Here are a few questions I invite you to just ask yourself and then let it go. I've found that placing a question in my mind, without pressuring myself to answer it immediately, often leads to surprising opportunities and connections without extra effort. There's some science behind that too, but we'll save that for a future post.
Questions to consider:
What rituals do we already have that I can continue?
What opportunities for collective effervescence are nearby and easy to access?
What did I used to love playing with when I was a kid?
What activities bring out our family's (or classroom’s) playful side?
If you're interested in more practical strategies for using these C's to refresh the usual skills we try to teach students for school success, you can find them in my award-winning workbook for students: Happy Grades.